Another year has gone and now it is 2013. I have been living for 25 years on this Earth. Suppose that this post is meant to bid goodbye to 2012 but it got delayed, so it becomes a welcoming post for 2013. Today, in this post, I am not going to mention anything about food, but indirectly, maybe. Most of the people will always think back what had happened to them the whole year whenever it comes to the end of that year. Same to me. But this is the first time I am trying to recollect all the events in my life in 2012. I don't do this previously because my life was pretty good in the past. For some, recollection of the memories made them smile but to the other some, all these will make them cry again. Let rewind back my life to January 2012.
The story begins....
Once upon a time, back in January 2012... I would recall that the beginning of 2012 was not really a good start to me. I mean, it was quite a bumpy road with many things happened. There was one major event in my 2012, accompanied by several minor events along the road. Let's start with my trip to Sarawak. I traveled around Sarawak, my homeland with my best friend back in January 2012. This was the first time I really brought someone back to my homeland. The trip took us around 11 days if not mistaken, where we traveled from Kuching to Sibu to Bintulu to Miri then back to Sibu. For me, during the trip, was one of the happiest moments in my life. That's the moment where I can really let go of my worries, sadness, works, stress and the list goes on. The only thing I felt was really pure happiness.
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| Sarawak Cultural Village The Living Museum |
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| Sarawak Laksa |
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| Niah Cave |
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| Sibu Pagoda |
We took a lot of pictures but I decided to share a few here. Even though Sarawak is my homeland, it was my first time to go to some of the places. I think this happens to a lot of people where you do not actually explore your own homeland.
After the trip, a lot of things happened, mostly were the sad things. I went into a bad depression, where I can't really sleep at nights and I felt so tired in the mornings. My depression level was I even thought of harming myself. I cried sometimes regardless of where I am, at home or even at office. Sometimes in life, we always think that tomorrow will be a better day but in reality, it does not. I was diagnosed of some sort of sinus problem. My left ear was blocked and I can't really hear anything from my left ear. A soft sound was amplified like I was in a disco room.
I went for a CT scan and the doctor found out that there were polyps in my nose, suspecting them to cause all the problems. Besides, from the scan, doctor said that at some "holes" at my face, there was some visible mucus, which was not good. I went to undergo the surgery to remove the polyps, flush my sinus and realign my nose bone because it was shifted. I went through all these by myself. I drove myself to the hospital, registered myself and went into the operation room myself. The nurse was a bit surprise that I came alone. I can still remember how pain it was after the surgery.
Then, tomorrow was still never a better day for me. Bad things kept happening but the doctor warned me earlier I cannot cry too often or else, my surgery will be in vain. After months and months of sadness, finally, my long long buddy came to Penang to visit me. He came here to travel as well as to check what the hell was going on with me. A short trip but I was really happy to see him again after 8-10 years.
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| Thanks Ben |
I don't know if he has an exciting life but he always gives me a good advice on stuffs, this and that. I am glad he visited me here, where again, I can release myself from all the pains. After he went back, I was kinda good in a week or two before the same things came back again.
Months after months, during November 2012, my crazy friends came to visit me here in Penang. This time, 3 people came; 2 boys 1 girl. They are my long long friends and very close of friends of mine. They also wondered what happened to me because they told me, besides visiting Penang, they just wanted to find out what happened to me. The whole trip was really crazy! At that particular moment, it really brought me back to the time I was in secondary school. When I was in my secondary school, they called me clown. Whoever who felt sad, can always find me. Because I joke non-stop in whatever situations and I only knew how to laugh. Back at the time, I was really a very very cheerful person until I thought I was really lucky. I can laugh when I was sad, until my friends said it was hard to tell if I was happy or sad.
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| Thanks WK, Billy and Peggy |
The girl was missing from the picture because she was the photographer. I was really happy that time. I paused for a moment, thinking why I was so cheerful back in the school but now I am just a walking zombie.
Finally, after series of events in 2012, there was only one episode that lingered around my life the whole 2012, the only episode that changed me, tortured me and made me who I am. If you ask me to share that episode, I would rather not. Because I don't really want to think back the whole situation. 25 years, this is the most painful even of my life. All I ever wanted was to be happy and do not cheat me. Sometimes, I wonder if people do understand what I feel. Because to the people around me, I am crazy. But to myself, deep in myself, I really feel I was cut on my hand over and over again at the same spot. It never gets to heal and it never gets to stop bleeding. Until now, I still cannot express how I feel actually when things happened. Until now, the things still happen and it hasn't stop yet, even in 2013.
But, I really really hope, don't cheat me again. I had mentioned this infinite times but somehow, it seems useless. You might not understand and you will probably ignore it, but, really, unspeakable pain inside me.
So, in 2013, my only wish is to be happy and again, I know things will happen again, people might cheat me again, lie to me again, do some weird things behind me but still promising me not to do them again, I still hope one day, really one day, you will realize it and stop doing these to me anymore. I still really so hope, miracle might happens from you.
Promise is easy to make but staying on it needs a lot of courage and hardwork which none of them appears in anyone.
Goodbye 2012, Welcome 2013, the question is, are you a good year for me? I think not.
I enjoyed the best moments in life and also the worst darkness in life at the same year, how about you? My life is bad but I do wish everyone out, at least have a better life than me.
